Lots of our work at Three Things Consulting, either paid, volunteer, or as part of our role belonging to communities and pitching in when needed. includes supporting people in challenging situations, with difficult lived experiences and often coping with issues related to trauma, addiction and mental illness, including depression and suicide.
For none of us this is a first – we have been supporting children, youth, families and communities for many years; supporting people to build skills to move from crisis to chaos, from chaos to calm and to build the capacity for coping at the minimum to deal with life on life’s terms – and hopefully eventually, when they are ready (and well supported), to move from dealing to healing.
What is often a risk when we (and by we – I include you in your own world) see and hear (and sometimes experience first hand) these challenges in our work is to be affected by vicarious trauma; where we become overwhelmed and are unable to process what we have heard or witnessed. It’s not as much as the actual event that caused trauma to us personally, which could have been someone else’s experience, but how we respond to hearing about it, initially and after the fact.
At the time of hearing someone bravely share his or her trauma we may be able to naturally respond appropriately – often without being aware we move into the fight, flight or freeze mode our body naturally creates when hearing or witnessing difficult situations. We may simply listen, or if asked, we provide insight and ideas for the person to get additional and professional support, or in critical situations we intervene as necessary.
It’s what happens after the fact that puts us and others at most risk. When we think about it on a flight home, when we transcribe notes or simply remember back to the sharing or the experience – how then do we respond and how does our body act.
Traumatic experiences are most often threats that come from outside of ourselves – the actions of someone else, such as violence towards us or someone we care about, witnessing or having someone close to us suicide or self-harm, accidents or natural but tragic occurrences (weather related crisis’ such as floods, lightening strikes, etc.).
Vicarious trauma on the other hand is seen much more as the threat that comes from within us – our body’s response to hearing or witnessing the aftermath of the initial trauma. In addition to the fight-mode our body can go into naturally when faced with someone else’s trauma, after the fact, does our body then move into the flight or freeze mode or we able to process through it without carrying this extra weight?
When it comes to vicarious trauma, we are not alone. This can happen to anyone – not just in a professional role but also simply by turning on the TV or computer. Reading the news about tragic events and the repeated exposure to trauma via the media can seriously affect individuals. Often times the weight simply adds up over time. These past several weeks both in media and social media stories there has been a great deal of trauma shared including photographs and experiences related to the killing of two members of the Canadian Forces, the national discussion about terrorism in Canada, the evolving story of Jian Ghomeshi and (much needed but challenging) the increased dialogue about rape culture: these are all things can produce vicarious trauma in anyone. How you are responding to these can be a tell tale about how you are processing these experiences. Fight? Flight? Freeze?
If you want to avoid these responses – which can be frightening in themselves, there are some factors that can influence how you process these stories or the experiences you have in your work or life:
- How close you are to the person whose trauma experience it is? Is it a family member or close friend? A young person or family you have worked with extensively? Or is it something you have seen on the news? The closer the connection, the more at risk you can be of facing vicarious trauma, yet we cannot judge ourselves (or others) who respond to traumas seen in the media. Yet, with strengthening the other factors below it can help our bodies respond to those in a less personal traumas differently.
- The strength of your ‘people’ – those in your support circle or community – and your ability to reach out to them so they can reach back. Having people doesn’t solve all our problems – but it certainly is a great reminder that we are not all alone in this world. The key to having people – is using them. Being brave and saying, this is where I’m at…that’s the first step.
- Your ability to practice self care techniques – including the basics such as getting enough sleep, exercise and rest while being sure to incorporate ‘fun’ and healthy times in your day. These things all matter. They help
- How you see the effect your support to the person(s) whose trauma experience it is has been. If you see yourself as helping someone – and that your role matters, it is easier to process through the difficult things you hear, see and experience.
- Your own journey with trauma; similar experiences or not.
- Your capacity to remain mindful and stay centred through personal self-care and practices.
If and when we are affected by vicarious trauma there are things that we can do to process through and find relief. As we put into practice strategies to address trauma we are best equipped to provide meaningful and helpful support to others.
It is these strategies that have been shared with us that now provide a path along the healthy road. The past ten days or so are a great example of how we put ideas into action.
In a span of a week I spent considerable amount of time reading and reviewing the stories about how suicide had affected members of a community we are supporting. Voices of family members of someone who had suicided echoed in my head. The struggles facing children and youth stayed with me. Thinking about parents who shared their fears for their children became my fears for those same young people. This was compounded by intervening in two different situations in my own community of young people who attempted suicide and were struggling with identifying and addressing their own mental health. I returned from a community visit and thought I was simply feeling exhausted. It took me a few days to realize that it was probably something deeper.
Add to this the deaths of the soldiers in Quebec and Ottawa and the shooting on Parliament Hill and my thoughts went to those close to me who serve in the armed forces, including family members. I had moments of terror inside – thinking about the what if’s.
As someone who has struggled with anxiety for years I knew what that overwhelming feeling was – and though I understood the why, I surely didn’t want to admit it immediately. I could barely acknowledge it to myself and certainly not to anyone else in the first few days of the feelings digging deep into my soul. Yet I knew it was there and I saw it come out in shifts between irritability at such little things and numbness and not caring about those same things, a hint of depression fuelled by my brain telling me that I was not helping in any of these situations. I wasn’t doing enough. I wasn’t enough. It didn’t matter. I didn’t matter.
Thankfully, this was not my first rodeo and I have had the privilege to be connected to good people for many years that have guided me through these experiences. Once I acknowledged what was happening, I knew that I needed to act. Or I could choose to stay in that place – where the vicarious trauma would be overwhelming and take over. Experiencing loss, pain, discomfort is part of life, but taking the advice shared with me years ago by a young man, suffering is optional. I choose to act.
Step One: Take Time
I knew I needed time to process what was happening inside of me. My head and heart needed a breather. It was time for a staycation. A chance to spend some time at home to read, relax and rest. Reading was pure pleasure and did it ever feel good to turn the actual paper pages of a book. I cooked and had friends over. I napped. Having seen so much benefit in others of meditation, particularly in Dale whose commitment to self-care I greatly respect, I made time to participate in an instruction to mediation class. I took on some tasks around the house and got to mark a few things off my to do list that had been staring at me for months. I felt accomplished.
I reflected and knew that in fact I did matter. I was providing all I could in my work – and it was enough –because I was giving it my all. Could it be stronger, of course – and I could continue to work at building skills and capacities that continue to ensure we are providing quality and meaningful work. It did matter and it was important. We belonged in our various roles and were providing quality services to our clients. The 3 Things in action – which gave me relief from that anxiety attached to taking time away from my desk.
Step Two: Give Voice
I spent time connecting with my counsellors – who I’m grateful is often accessible when I need them most. It allowed me a safe space to walk through the complete and natural process that arises in response to a threat. Simply having someone to voice my current experience and space to, in a safe and trusting environment is so important. I often find that as soon as I say it out loud – it removes the power of the traumatic feelings. It was a reminder that like so many others, I need to be sure to process what I am seeing, hearing and experiencing.
I wrote. I put pen to paper to help me process what was happening, how I was feeling and continually reminded myself that the negative feelings – they aren’t facts. Some of that writing is included in this post; some of it will never see the day of light again – and that’s OK. Writing, or journaling, is something we often recommend to others (and at Three Things a common door prize in our projects are journals) and when I practice what I preach I am reminded of the power of the pen.
Step Three: Faith Over Fear
Regardless of where or how you find or practice faith, whether it’s within an organized religion, connecting to nature or identifying a power greater than you, faith matters. As an Anishinaabe person I know that when I am struggling with almost anything, when I connect to my culture – when I surround myself with others, take part in ceremony, and listen to Elders my world gets easier. I get out of my own way and let the fears that bury themselves deep inside my belly, they are removed by faith. On my first day back at work after my staycation I was privileged to be attend a gathering in Kingston of a diverse group of Indigenous community members and leaders. The City of Kingston has been exploring how best to engage with and build on community strengths while addressing gaps facing our families and community members – and what a powerful experience it was. Listening to Anishinabek, Inuit and Haudenosaunee Elders, prayers and a smudge with those in the circle, visiting and having respectful dialogue while sharing a spectacular traditional feast – it was what I needed to become grounded and reminded of what is important – and will guide our work forward.
Step Four: Share What’s Being Given To Me: Talk About It
This blog is the first part of this process – talking and sharing. By talking about what’s happened for me means that I can free myself of any of the remnants that want to stick around. Honesty and openness allow me to put it out to the world and maybe it will allow someone else to reach out who needs to. There are a growing number of counsellors and helpers across Canada focusing on vicarious trauma and should you be interested connect with us and we can provide some recommendations on people we know and trust.
It’s been a long week– but I am thrilled to have journeyed through it. Years ago I spent considerable time controlled by vicarious trauma; held back and cornered by it. I am blessed to have the circle I have today – and it is what makes our work stronger – by being responders first to ourselves – gives us the tools to share with others. Our work, whether a capacity building session, hosting an event or leading a healing process in a community is rooted in our honest, mindful and compassionate approach. We recommend what works for us, what has been proven as best practice in research and evaluation and what traditional or local knowledge has demonstrated.
Maybe it’s been a long week for you as well. You are not alone. I recommend you reach out so someone can reach back. And I remind you, that regardless of what your journey is you are worth the work it takes to heal. Because you matter, you are important, and you belong.
